JANUARY 2003/2004
Dec 03
May 1 | 2
July 1 | 2
Aug 1 | 2
Sept 1 | 2
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January 31, 2004 Saturday 4:00pm

About last night

15 buds, a few shots. Some pool and great legs.
Ok… Its Saturday, I’m hung over from Friday night. Last night I drank. I’m 120$ shorter walking out of the bar. I drank and bought drinks for many people and they bought me drinks. There were all kinds of people there, the bar is getting popular It was full of women. Some Goth girl walked in I got her email and cell we are going to meow mix next Tuesday. Later on I closed the bar and walked home with a lovely young woman. We were good. Then we got a little dangerous. I have been aiming to snuggle with her for a long time. She’s sexy, At one point yesterday evening I was competing for her with some dork and his buddy. She is yummy. That other dude went home alone. I am supposed to go to a party today and I don’t feel up to it. So I will stay home.


I woke up drunk, went home and called Aaron. Tomorrow I will shoot a little with Aaron. If it wasn’t for Aaron and Douglas and maybe even Vinny and Brian I would of dumped the APA entirely. But ill keep up for a little bit with the games or at least until the tri annuals are over.

Good bye January, its been real...

Go to Next entry

 

8

January 30 2004 Friday

Im hot but my money is not

No check good rateing

I Woke up this mourning to see if my raise went retro active from Sept 8 2003, It did not. I was so mad I thought I was going to have another shity day, until I checked HOT OR NOT .COM. From a scale of 1 to 10 I just went to an 8. Everything is a little ok now. Ill have to survive on another measly $998.012 cents for the next 7 days.

My first double match.

Hey, my name is Roxanne. I'm 20 years old and I'm a DJ on my college radio station. I love going to shows and meeting new people.

I could be her dad... whatever


I have yet again had another dream with a destructive ending. What ever.
*
So.
I went to the bar and got a little drunk. Played pool with Alex. My game was on my game was off and then more people walked in. There was a girl. Her name was Francis. She had perfect teeth, wicked black shiny hair, full lips a tongue like Gene Simmons and shapely. She bought me a beer. I watched her have fun. We played together as a team, we lost. Later that evening I sat at the bar and started drawing. I was thinking about my game as I was drawing a guy came up from behind me and said can I have that when you are finished? I said yes and I was flattered. I felt good to give my work away again. I haven’t done that in a long time. My head started to clear up. And some conclusions about my life came through my Zen drawings at the bar.
*
I don’t know what a win is?
*
What is a win? What is a lose? And what are the results of both? I’m a giving person. I think you have to be a little selfish too want too win or beat anybody. Ill never be a winner if I’m always a nice guy. Thanks Grandmamma for making me a nice fuckin guy.
*
Giving away my art felt good. People complimented on the things I was drawing. I might do a series of people I know. I would love to do that more than anything right now. I feel it calling me. I said this once before but I got distracted. Back on track again.

Any comments?

 

January 29 2004 Thursday

Ronnie on the 8


This mourning…6am…
I woke up at 6am I was tired but not sleepy. Didn’t need to be at work till 12pm today so I dreamt with my eyes opened. That’s a mistake I keep making. Doing this in-between wake sleep thing brings on all kinds of premonitions and subconsois thoughts and answers to questions I don’t like asking myself. Sometimes I know the answers before I even know the question, and asking the question is just a procrastination of doing my responsibilities.

Williams latter…
I took a whiz went back to bed. I lay down, closed my eyes and let my mind drift. Eyes opening and closing as I stare at the clock. 6:05 6:08 6:20 6:29 six-thirty-suddenly-found myself chasing my nephew down a flight of narrow steps towards a door. The door was small and old and boarded up. It was a secret door. I opened my eyes again just for a second to look at the clock; it was 7am. Closed my eyes and my nephew broke through the door before I can catch up to him. He ran in, I followed. He was in a jail cell. I opened my eyes again; it was 8:45am. I closed my eyes to look around then walked in the cell to get him out. When I grabbed him a police officer walked in beside me just out of my eyeshot he was holding my cue-case, he threw my pool cue-case in the cell with my nephew and me still standing there. I open my eyes again to see the time it was 10am, I did not feel trapped but knew I had to get out of there, so I closed my eyes again. The cell door wasn’t closed or locked though. I remember next walking out of the cell but I cant recall holding my cue or nephew. Next I found myself in a giant pool hall with giant tables and people playing pool. Didn’t know anybody though. I had a few words with some of the folks; suddenly everybody was ransacking the pool-hall.
2:16pm Thursday
I’ve just been rated from a scale of one to ten a 7.2 on Hotornot.com by 11 people since1:00clock this afternoon. Updates later.


Any comments?

 

 

January 28 2004 Wed 11:00am

Ronnie puts his team together

I hope its the wright people.

... Its Snow...weeeee

Went to the bar yesterday, drank, watched Ronnie’s team get beat up. Played in the snow. What else can you ask for on a Tuesday night. No work today New York sure is getting wussy, a little snow and every body hides.

Cold winter days and night make me dream funny.
*
Yesterday I dreamt it was the last day on earth. Ever-body I knew and know now was in it. I could not make sense of it at all. But I knew I was just waiting for something to happen before the end of the world. A radiation orb was the culprit. I don’t know what it was I needed to do. In my dream I was wearing a tool belt and farmer overalls. There was and orb sitting in what looked like mansion/mall that was consuming the planet slowly with white-hot light growing from it, it was getting bigger and bigger. And everybody knew eventually it was going to kill everyone on the planet so people were doing what they wanted to do and there was nothing no one could do to stop it. I remember flying near it at one point in my dream but when I got close something told me I was going to die in my sleep so I stopped, but then it was at that point I realized I was dreaming. I flew around some more and started shopping for tools. I was wearing a tool belt but I can’t remember what the tools were. I was going to die but I had to do something before I died or get killed. My phone ringing awaked me.

Dream Catcher Lore:
The Indians believe that the night air is filled with dreams both good and bad. The dream catcher when hung over or near your bed swinging freely in the air, catches the dreams as they flow by. The good dreams know how to pass through the dream catcher, slipping through the outer holes and slide down the soft feathers so gently that many times the sleeper does not know that he/she is dreaming. The bad dreams not knowing the way get tangled in the dream catcher and perish with the first light of the new day.

How the Dream Catcher is made:
Using a hoop of willow, and decorating it with findings, bits and pieces of everyday life, (feathers, arrow heads, beads, etc) the dream catcher is believed to have the power to catch all of a person's dreams, trapping the bad ones, and letting only the good dreams pass through the dream catcher.

Any comments?

 

January 27 2004 Tuesday 4:46pm

What ever...definitely different form. Yesterday was the first day of something I have no control over. Or maybe I do have control but dont want to.

 

Any comments?

 

January 26 2004 Monday 12:30pm

Professor Du-mass

Monday- part one
11:59 am

What a stale day. Cold, cloudy, it could be worse. It could be better. Some girl walked up to me the street today and said I look like a pirate. What ever… So, I’ve been smoking a lot lately. They have a store in my neighborhood that’s sell cigs for 5 bucks. Bad for will. I feel like a Gargoyle.
*
2:00 pm
Professor Du-mass

Ten minutes ago I called a professor a dumb ass to his face…


Dialogue
Him: Hey William can you help me with something.
Me: What do you need?
Him: How to get to the Internet?
Me: click on the I.E icon, Go to, File, New-window on the top tool bar interface of the desktop
Him: HUH?
Me: Ill show you (so I show him.)
Him: Oh… that was easy..Ok
2minutes later…
Same dialogue as before
1minutes later again same dialogue as before but now I’m annoyed.
3minutes later asks me again as if he never asked before.
Me: Don’t you remember what I showed you before? (I say politely)
Him: Yes I did.
Me: So what’s the problem?
Him: I don’t know? Can you show me?
Me: Oh…. ok Dumb Ass I’ll show.


There was more dialogue after that entailing things like supervisor, verbal assault and complaint…whatever.


They walk into the lab; keep asking for help with the same thing over and over again, they keep repeating the same dumb ass mistakes over and over again on the computers even though I have explained it to them as if they were six years old. I show them time and again how to turn on the computer and how to get a window for the Internet, how to get a word document and how to save it in the simplest cant forget this again manner. I even tell them to write it down in a step-by-step instruction. These are the same people who judge and grade student on there performance through out the semester. Grading students on their paper’s, homework, and their ability to remember. Maybe one day I might be given the opportunity one day to grade people for their interactive-society-skills.

 

Any comments?

 

January 25 2004 Sun 8:30pm.

I just became a member of Suicide Girls yhea baby!!!

The L Word
Any comments?

 

January 25 2004 Sun 2:30pm.

24 hour party people

Late last night my buddy called me at home, and insisted I go with him to a loft party in Soho. 1:00 am mourning. So we went. I was gona call Aaron but I figured he was sleeping by then. When I got there, pretty much everybody was already drunk, stoned or in extremely friendly mode. Oh, did I mention everybody was gay. And hot. I had a good time. Right up until the point Stacy walked in; my ex girlfriend. Oh did I mention she came out. Now she is gay. I know she is not gay, she’s got physiological problems but she is not gay. I didn’t care if she bought her new girl friend, but it seemed she didn’t want to be with her girl friend anymore when she saw me. She jumped right on my arm. I said, “Get the fuck off-of-me”. Let the drama begin. 30 minutes later her new girl friend came up to me and asked what am I doing to Stacy. She stepped up to me like she was a man. So I responded with I don’t know you, keep away from me, I’m crazy.


Rock and Roll girl
The loft was huge, giant windows and high ceilings. I don’t even know whose place it was. There was a girl there who was pretty hot, kind of rock-an-rolly. dark hair, skinny, tattooed, almost retro but not retro. I admired her clothing and her betty-page-like-hair-do. She responded with the same comp. I think it was the goatee and the lose hair in the red lit room that made me look vampire-sexy, we spoke about art a little pool and drank, we got along. We hung out. We went to his room up stairs, things got not gay. I told her I was gay my heart is with someone else’s. I really think it is, still it got a little not homosexual in that room. I crashed at the loft. This mourning rock and roll girl and me went to eat breakfast. She looks different in the daylight. I wont say how she looked, but have you ever heard the expression I never went to bed with an ugly woman but I woke up with one. Just kidding. She’s good-looking. I asked if she wanted to come and watch me play pool tomorrow at the bar she said ok.

 

Any comments?

 

January 23 2004 Friday 11:00am

Drawing out my tattoo...inkstoptattoonyc
I think I have a good idea on how it’s going to look.
Definitely want wings on my back; maybe gargoyle, maybe eagle, but I want a tribal ring or band on my arm of my favorite animals.

Any comments?

I gambled at the pool hall yesterday, played a game of nine-ball.


Went to play some pool yesterday, Played some one for money, I won. He got mad. Then he left. Oh well. Next.

Driven Matrix
Finding my middle gear, fast or slow it is starting to take its toll on me. Get to the middle lane ..william. A little numb right now, nothing dangerous. Gota take it one day at a time. Hands in pocket. Caramel nut latte from star bucks taste awful. I can’t push pull anymore, it’s taxing. I made a promise I shouldn’t have said. That’s what’s bugging me; I have to break that promise if things go the way I think they will in the coming future. Dignity is at stake. This is the moment I have been waiting for. Gota make it ugly. Or the ugly will make me. I’m to smart for that. I am monkey in the drivers seat. Spoke to Michelle say hello to the new head fish. I’m drawing it out of me. Don’t you just love the drama brewing. Rebbeca Razzbaerie would be proud.

Any comments?

 

January 22 2004 Thurs 7:00am

Today is the first a day of

The Year of the Monkey

 

Yesterday was the eve of the Year of the Monkey. Traditionaly you are to do something Silly, Greedy, Loving, and Giving before you begin the year. So I did.

I have shed my cacoon. I am here.

I am Monkey... here me eekeeK...

Monkeys are always alert and can feel surroundings even as they are thoroughly engaged in conversation. Monkeys are sociable and have an active outside life. Monkeys sympathize with people and they in turn trust you with their secrets. Monkeys can forgive, but never forget and can be revengeful if somebody wrongs them several times. They wait their turn for the perfect opportunity and nothing can stop them from achieving a goal. They have a lively love life. Monkeys are good at making people comfortable and even the most shy individuals open up to them. Having a very attractive openness, and as a partner they are reliable, adaptable and cheerful. Inherently brainy, monkeys very rarely fail in their mission. They are good at assessing risk and financial problems. Monkeys are intellectual and their memory is incredible. They don't care what opinions others may have of them. They know they are lucky, and they also know they have the power to change things when convenience calls. Monkeys are virtually unsinkable! If people try to trick monkeys, they will probably catch them. They never make a move without a plan. They are great strategists. They can spot an opportunity in any form. They never miss a trick! They improve and try to do things better, and often amaze even themselves. They are the ultimate diplomats and slip in and out of difficulties with ease. Monkeys are always out in front! Dragons and rats will match up with the monkey. Famous people like Will Smith, Julius Caesar, Lord Byron, Elizabeth Taylor , de Vinci, Harry S. Truman, and Jennifer Anniston are signed under the monkey.

ps. last night I wrote something loving...

January 22, 2004 Thursday 2:30pm Lunch time.....

Guy walked up to me in the pool hall today earlier this afternoon during my lunch break. He said to me.
Him: Hey, I heard you had that guy George on your team.
Me: Yes I did
Him: Is he still playing on your team?
Me: I said no I kicked him off.
Him: What? Are you crazy, that guy is good how do you expect to win now?
Me: Easy. By not having him on the team.
Then I walked away…
Just because your good doesn’t mean your good for a team win.
I had some of the best players in NYC on my pool team, the better they were the worse they got functioning as a team player. I’m almost convinced I had possibly at one point the strongest bar team in NYC. we still lost. Then we all broke up, each one for reasons of self and not of team. I have seen the worst teams make it to Vegas. Its ok if I lose a few players this season, I mean after having guys like that on my team and surviving why not now. I mean, its not like I’m loosing earl Strickland or Karin Corr. Oliver and Michelle and Chris are going to work out fine. I feel good…Chris will captain and I will just be another gun.

Any comments?

 

Jan 21 2004 Wed 4:12pm.....

.....For-got what I was going to say....I'm getting greedy....

Any comments?

 

Jan 20 2004 5:43 pm Tuesday.....
.....later for what i gota say.... Did something. Silly
Any comments?
 

Jan 19/20 2004 Monday/tue 12:30/1:17pm/am ....

Unnnn---believable… we won the play offs.

Douglas “A.K.A birdman, A.K.A the bishop” Mulkerns set the tone for the match. With a four to one win...

 

Any comments?

 

Aaron “Hank the Tank” Charney ushered in the winning match with impunity for Rumble Fish.
Well...I didn’t think it was going to happen and I was just informed the triannulas is on Feb 8 2004. Not next summer as i was told earlier in the season...this changes things a little. I still dont want to be captain though. Just a gun.

Any comments?

Got seventen of these things coming in my direction

Plus 4 placks and one MVP

all for Rumble-Fish

Any comments?

 

Jan 19 2004 Monday 11:32am .... The "a-pool-calypse"

Justice is blind. This is it, I already spoke to Jim, he will be there. Everybody knows what to do.

later.

Jan 19 2004 sun/Monday 12:02am

A thin line....

Since the beginning of the year-and maybe a little before this year my drive for just about every action I have said and done is based on love and hate, there hasn’t been too much in between. Maybe that’s what I’m missing. The in between love and hate. Restraint? I like being in love, it harder and more rewarding. It’s much easier to hate. Hate is quick. But what about something in the middle? What’s is-in between love and hate? Fighting? Quickies? Is that what a fling is all about or is that for self-indulgence for the numb and frightened. Or maybe for the intelligent. Responsibility? Is that a test for trial and error to learn what you can love and what you can hate or tolerate? I am now going to imagine myself stopping something I think I love to do. Art; I cant see myself not doing that. Sex; I like having sex but I can see myself not having it for a long time. Pool; I also can see myself not playing for a long time. Food; I love food. Can’t live with out it. People; I need people sometimes, not all the time. Clothes; cloths make the man. Hair; I need hair; hair is the frame of the face. TV; I could live without it. Music; I can’t live with out it. Trying new things; I need to do this or else. Traveling; I need to do this.

Any comments?

 

Jan 18 2004 Sunday

Its a good thing someone threw out this beef patty foil out the window, or this little bird wouldnt have anything to eat today. I think ill call Douglas and tell him the good news. Bird ate today, updates later.

ps: I Did something Giving

2:24 pm sunday

off to somewere land

4:30 pm sunday...snow....I peed a name in the snow

Wana guess what the name is, I'll give you $5 bucks if you get it right...

Any comments?

Cold
Jan 18 2004 Sunday
Snow
 
 
 
The ice is starting to freeze on top of the lake…Will the Rumble-fish suffocate or freeze to death? Will there be a surprise ending or predicted ending by former captain William Fuentes. Dust in the wind. It’s snowing hard today. I was going to practice. But I changed my mind. Ill just sit in the snow with the locals. This song is coming to it's end.
 
 
Eve of Destruction…
 

 

January 17 2004 Saturday 3:53am

Hank the Tank

 

Any comments?

January 17 2004 Saturday 1:53pm
*
Aaron turned into Hank the Tank on Friday Night….Aaron almost fell down.
*
Went to the bar, Drank with Aaron; we almost fell down; we were drinking so much. It was fun. We played Michelle for a few hours, she tore us a new one. She’s good. She is a level 5 Pool-player. Cynthia called Aaron “Larry lug-nut” after she served him his 5th drink. I stared at Sam for a while. Sam is hot. Cynthia gets horny when she hears Portishead. We ate, drank, then drank some more. I’m scared to look in my wallet. Played a lot of pool; drunk. We kept winning. We went left the bar 3:15 in the mourning just before we got on the train on 14th Street Aaron realized he left his bag at the bar, so we went back to the bar, while we were there, we might as well drink some more; so we did. A little hung over. Not too much though. The most unlikely people float into bars 3:30 in the mourning. Got home this mourning.
Ok... ill admit it

i was a little ahJilvhjs yesterday to myself...whatever

Any comments?

I have my reasons. but one thing is for sure. The dream king better clear up what hes telling me or this thing i suffer from called 'feelings" is gona get medicated out of my system.

 

January 16 2004 Friday

Its not that I don’t give a shit… Oh wait a minute; I really don’t give a shit.

Todays weather: Im Ok just a little tierd......

 

Douglas and Aaron

I wont let em down

But I wont stress it anymore ether.

they can do and play when ever they want now

Any comments?

 

 

January 15 2004 Thurs

Happy Anniversary

30 days ago I died

Todays weather: almost fell asleep...cold, dry, and opened

I found a red whistle in the snow…10:18pm Thursday
*
Yesterday I had a strange dream, Bono from U2 was shooting up in my foot-ball field sized living room and was verbally giving me warning signs of the future, couldn’t make out what he was saying, cant remember what was the warnings were though. The day before yesterday I found a Barbie doll foot wearing a pink high heel shoe. On the way home today a woman on the right side of me in the subway car was reading a independent novel I took notice of and a woman on the left side of me was drawing in a sketch book, the guy in front of me was had some sort of tick and was wiggling every 5 seconds like he was hearing some sort of music in his head. It was a triangle of symbols I was standing in. I’m getting all sorts of signs meaning what? I just don’t know but my instinct was telling me that are definitely symbolic of something in stored for the future. I haven’t read from my cards in the last week. Strange, I was whistling before I walked in my building. Just before I walked in my building I found a red whistle in the snow on the steps.
*
It doesn’t feel good to fall of the wagon…
*
Even as I just stop giving a fuck about certain things. Those certain things started following me around. Then I turned around and instead of telling it to go the fuck away I started to patronize it. I listened to it then I even stared to dance with it for a little while. I feel sick. It like sleeping with an ex girlfriend you broke up with badly. What the fuck was I thinking. Is it because I didn’t eat right that day? Was it a moment of weakness’? I don’t need any of that shit anymore why am I looking at it like it’s new? Maybe I need to get laid. Is that normal? Russian playmate in the back of the Voice here I come. I made decisions and suddenly I started to treat those decisions like a joke. Like I forgot-em or something. It only happened for a few days though. I’m back on track again except for the one main-thing I was trying to get away from. “That waiting feeling” for something to happen I don’t want to mention; out load to anyone or even to my self. It’s going away slowly though a few cigs and good nights sleep will make it all better I think. I feel ok now.
*
Being a Gemini is really tuff…
*
Like Pandora’s box I have to keep it closed or it’s all out of control again. Maybe I don’t have to keep it closed, I’ll put together a party and get to know every one. I’ll make invitations to get to know myself some more.

Any comments?

 

 

January 15 2004 Thurs

It’s not always the decision it self-witch can be ether the right or wrong one. It’s sometimes the timing of that decision we make in witch it becomes the right or wrong one

Todays weather:Dry Cold and still waiting...

12:45:pm Thursday…I was being self destructive last night...
*
Ok…I’ll stop. Man, that was a close one. I almost fell into an old nasty habit. What was I thinking. I’m relapsing. No sleep the last couple of days. I’m loopy. I’m in control now. I guess I should of expected this. I’m only human. Time to get a sandwich. I really get out of control sometimes. Maybe Aaron can get me some meds.

2:09pm Thursday…
*
I don’t have to work on Monday…good…I’ll play a lot of pool at B.B.C before I go beating up on who ever ill have to play at Mona’s that night.

*
2:30 pm Thursday…
*
There is something that is eating at me. I’ve been ignoring it and that is why I have been behaving the way I have been since. I know what it is. I remember exactly what was said Tuesday mourning. I pretended I did not remember because it was too much for me to handle. I had just woken up. She said things to me that made me so numb I didn’t want to remember. I was so angry, my anger turned into something else. Its not ok to stab me in the back. It’s to late for both of us. All the deeds were done, and turning back now would be so debasing for both of us even though this whole thing was just a bunch of stupid mistakes, lots of action were done in haste. We both made final decisions and we should stick to it. Unless we come to an agreement to restore faith and trust back.
*
Much like our game’s even though we got ball in hand we still picked the wrong ball for the run and end up scratching or missing the shot entirely. I adore her, but now it all fudged up. So I try and sugar coat it with poetry consisting of sweet expressions and sexy flirting, hoping it will drown the fire that is burning in my gut; and maybe hers. I know this about myself. When I feel stress or pressure I act silly and animated and do daring things, recklessness is a classic physiological reaction for the hidden dragon within the troubled soul. Much like my game last Monday, I was under pressure and I got reckless, silly. I was told some-thing’s then I ignored it and it got me acting reckless and silly. I really hate this whole thing. I’m going to stick to my original plane. Jim is the man for next season and I will take off. The end.

Any comments?

 

 

January 14 2004 Wed

The fast and the frivolous.

Todays weather:Dry Cold and waiting...

It’s not always the decision it self-witch can be ether the right or wrong one. It’s sometimes the timing of that decision we make in witch it becomes the right or wrong one. Impulsive acts have there consequences sometimes.


I know a story about a slow little boy and an impulsive little girl. But I will tell it another day.
Hopefully it will have a happy ending.

:6:00pm

Went to the pool hall today and learned a shot.

10:15pm-william... what are you doing? Forbidden Fruit
*
I’m doing something I think I should not be doing. But this time I find myself a-little more bold a-little more daring. It almost like I don’t care what the outcome is. Or I might already know what it’s going to be and I find it irresistible. Ether way I am flirting with disaster. She is the forbidden fruit I should not try to pluck from the tree she is stemming from let alone take a bite out of. But it’s so yummy. Her nectar is all about sweet-bad girl. Bad girls are yummy. She’s so yummy; still, it’s a sin. I’m gona try to take a bite one day. Only when it is safe. When it’s funny. When its right or more to the point; ripe.

11:00pm wed-at home....watching TV...alone


12:57pm-still home
*
It’s snowing. A lot.

Any comments?

 

 

January 13 Tues 2004

“ The best way to accomplish something is to give up all hope of ever accomplishing it”.

Todays weather: Back to work...and temperment

Un believable…. We won….the first play off match….now to the second.


The incredible part was (aside from the Jim situation) the whole team was there; Jim is being held hostage in Ireland…bad thumb print problem.


Vinny played big Al, Vinny won, when it counted….again.


Something is not letting me jump off.

1-Jim
2-William
3-Douglas
4-Aaron
5-Vinny
6-Brian
7-Oliver
8-?????

I have three of them in mind. Maybe four. But I will give Jim with the selection's and let him decide.

Any comments?

Anniversery Chi yun lee RIP

 

January 12 2004

Black Magic Monday

Todays weather: Back to work...and the unknown

Life or Something Like it.
Lets see what magic trick William is going to pull out of his ass today.
Aaron, Douglas, Brian, Vinny, William.

Level #3 not so....
I know you got game baby. Don’t sweat it and take it easy. The system is not perfect. But your game is. I know better, we know better,you will get the props, Later.

...

Any comments?

 

 

January 11 2004 Sunday

Today weather: Sunny, clear, and doin the wash.
Felt like I was in a Seinfeld episode, Aaron and I ate Mexican with his extremely obnoxious friend; His old high-school dean. What the hell is this guy doing still bothering Aaron for? In the restaurant the guy was speaking to Aaron as if he was still that sixteen years old he pushed around years ago. I sat patiently eating my veggie burrito while this guy spoke so much non-stop shit. We almost got into a tug of war over the guacamole comp. If Douglas or George was sitting there one of-em would of hit the guy over the head with a fajita. That duds about 35 years old about 5’5 162 pounds of arrogant mouth. He insulted Aaron twice about his weight and then tried to communicate with me like I was guy he can impress with ideas on how to pick up women ten years younger than him. Or what he did for a living. I almost completely ignored him if it wasn’t for me respecting Aaron UN fortunate company.

Then in the end, it was just Aarons dog and I doin and evil stare down...

*
Requiem for a dream
*
We got rid of the old high school dean from hell then went to a bar around the neighborhood and played pool for a while. We drank; there was cocker-roach on the bar a heavy cue ball on the table a black chick who wouldn’t shut up. and the cold weather. We found some drunken ladies sitting at the end of the bar, took-em back to Aarons place and like in that movie “Requiem for a dream” watched them go feet-to-feet on the kitchen table till the drugs wore off. Just kidding. (There were no drugs) Aarons cool, People should appreciate him more for the quality and peaceful presence he emulates when he’s around. The ladies staggered home. I put my coat on and I found myself staring at his dog in silence for about ten minutes until the dog couldn’t take the stare-down any longer then barked once only to wake up Aaron from the orgasmic faint the ladies gave him. (Just kidding…I was the one who fainted).
*
It’s cold. So after the festivities at around 2:30 am I went to the home bar and meet up with Michelle, Lindsey and Cynthia and drank till mourning. The girls are hot. You know, the home bar really does have the hottest bar tenders in the lower eastside. Ronnie ask me to play on his Tuesday team. Or suggested I move my –X-Monday team to Tuesday, its Jim’s or whoever’s team now, but if Jim or whoever agrees to the move, would be making a good choice. There is hardly any teams to compete with on Tuesday and with the player I put together, I almost can’t see us not going to Vegas. I mean after the training we’ve had for years on Monday, (13/14 teams), Tuesday would be a peace of cake (5 teams). I know Ronnie would not like to hear that but whatever. Ronnie is cool.

Any comments?

 

 

January 10 2004 Saterday

I had to ask

Today weather: Sunny and clear with a touch of hope

Plan B I had to ask. I had no choice.
*
I did not think for the life of me we were going to end up in the playoffs.
I went to edge bar yesterday to tell Ronnie that I’m finished with league for now, of course I will have a team for Jim and the bar or who ever, but I am done for now. So I took a flying leap off of the ship and started swimming with the rest of the quitters from all my teams in the past and present. The water was cold, and the sharks were eating us slowly. I lay there just floating waiting to get chopped up. As I float watching the other players sink or get eaten, there was a bottle with a note in it floating near bye. I paddle close to it and grabbed the bottle, pulled out the note. The note said “hey dickhead, you’re in the play offs and you owe it to the rest of your team who aren’t quitters to make an effort to try and win”. I swam back to the ship and called the team. I-called-everybody; even Vinny. I had to, because Aaron Douglas and Jim, and maybe even Brian do not deserve to be abandoned. They’re sticking around like winners; they are people who believe in each other. Well I don’t believing in my ability to be a captain anymore. I feel like a dick head-loser. I already made the decision to leave, and then this happens, what ever. I had to ask the quitting members to play because if I didn’t, then there will always be that question of "what if I did and we could of won"? In the long run, I would of looked like a big asshole for not taking advance of an opportunity Stuart has given us. I had to ask, Normally I wouldn’t of. My decision was made, but I still owe Aaron Douglas and Jim. I called xxx and I hated doing that, I’m contradicting the space she ask-for whatever. But I had to ask. The team will ask on Monday did you call her? And what did she say? Did you call Claudio? And what did he say? If I gave them the answer I didn’t call any of them, then I would have been ten times more the “Moron” to them then I am to quitting members. I would in fact be the guy xxx is trying to make me out to be to her new seven-dork-head-team-mates along with my Rumble Fish team. If xxxxxxxx doesn’t contact me by late Monday afternoon, as well as Vinny or Claudio then I will ask Brian to play I work late on Monday I didn’t think we had a game going on. I applied for the over time that day at my job. I always said to Brian, and we agreed; if we made the play offs by a wild card I would not play you. According to Brian we don’t deserve to win, no team deserves to win by a wild card. I don’t know what kind of mentality this poor guy is suffering from, but I am grateful I don’t suffer the same damaged inner child dilemma.
*
I still owe it to the rest of the guys to try.
*
Next season I’m still not gona be the captain, but this season still has a glimmer of hope. If we lose then it’s back to plane “A”, jump-ship. If I didn’t go for the glimmer than I do deserve to be eaten by large teeth made of hate and anger.
*
Ronnie and I played for hours last night practicing for Monday; I played very well if I must say. Being I am no longer a captain I feel no pressure and more game appreciation. I want my trophies. I want my whole team to get there trophies, Stu owes me two trophies plus and additional 14 more for my Monday and Tuesday team along with two wall-plats and two MVP-plats for William and Douglas.

Any comments?

 

January 9 2004

Wicked Willy
Today weather: bad

I went to the pool hall and watched Douglas shoot, man that guy is good. He was doing shots you wouldn’t believe. I shot a little my self yesterday and I was tearing this guy a new one. I was getting that feeling I had last year when pool was a little newer to me. The table looked small and my shots were big. I ran out on the guy twice and beat him 7 to 3 on the race to 7. Suddenly I shoot like a demon, what is the meaning of this?
*
“ The scary thing about love is, you don’t own it, it owns you” Romeo is bleeding
*
Last night I was watching Romeo is bleeding with Gary Oldman and Lena Olin. That bitch Mona (played by Lena Olin) is crazy and the cop (played by Gary Oldman); well I guess he likes em hot look-in and crazy. That’s the secound time I have seen a movie with some dude chasing around some dishy look-in chick who’s completely out of her skull. Hot and Crazy, the main formula to snare an capture the lone wolf. I love me, I’m crazy, why can’t I settle for some Joe-average chick, get married have kids and go the whole nine. I always chase the wrong kinda woman (or girl). And get in some shit.
*
I’m getting that wicked feeling again. 2:30pm Friday
*
I feel like starting trouble. Don’t do it William, don’t be bad, bad leads to more bad.
*

I did a bad thing.
Told him things that he didn’t know. Now he knows. I told him don’t tell anyone you know this it will work better for you if you pretend to be dumb. Then see what i mean. Im so bad, Im so bad, Im so bad.

Any comments?

 

January 8 2004

What Comes Around

Today weather:mad, Suny, dry and cold 10 degrees.4th-q-moon.

I told a few people in the APA yesterday that I was quitting the league; they all had cows. Ronnie is gona blow a gasket, the league operator (Stuart) is now going to lose a chunk of players and money. Not rewarding my team with the “standard” APA trophies we all deserved for staying in first place all season; The idea of going to Vegas on an APA bar league became disenchanting for my old team after we walked away empty handed at the tri-annuals. It also cost me the lose of a friend. William the recruiter, William the gatherer of pool warriors, William the captain; is no more. It’s wasn’t easy managing 8, 16, 24, 32, 40, 48 or more-people who are to work as a team but never wanted to function as a team.
*
My boat is not sinking, yet-still time and time again I have watched my lone-wolf-glory-hound-team-members jump ship when the going got tuff or because of some personal or social degenerate reason. Always blaming everyone around them, blaming the weather blaming the table blaming the line up and especially always blaming their Captain; me. That is the responsibility as a captain, deal with it or don’t be a captain. Well I don’t want to deal with it no more, I pulled myself clear of being the sheep dog to black sheep. No one will be a xxxtim of Williams trial’s and error’s anymore. Sure-I’ve had some good loyal team members but not enough to keep a whole team together. It’s unfair to them as well as me to keep going like this. I will tell them this is the last season they will be on this team, they will have a new captain and I will leave when the ball gets rolling on the forth and final week. If Jim won’t accept the responsibility of being the captain then it's up for grabs and if no one grabs it then there will be no Rumble-Fish. The bar spot is open for whoever. Finding myself hustling up random pool players by my self and putting them on the team only to discover in the middle of the game seasons they have a big letter “I” tattooed on there for-head has turned into a joke on the whole dream of team harmonized thing.
*
The lone wolf
I know I made resolutions and said last year I was going to let a lot of things go, and I did, but I saw one last opportunity and took and got burned. That’s ok, I was kind of expecting it anyway but what the fuck, why not. It's not like its going to effect me the same way as it did before. So now William is going to emulate the actions of his last few players on his last few teams and jump ship. Why not if they can do it why cant I? I’m not any more important then they are, Im not any better, so why can’t I behave the same way?
Tell me why not?
*
I slept well last night. I feel free of a responsibility I no longer have to handle. This decision has taken all the pressure in my head. Away. Jim will have 8 people on his team. I have already five players and three more called me last night. There is still Douglas, Brian, Aaron, Jim, Heidi, Erin, Oliver, and Michelle. The guys will like Michelle. Jim also has the option to place anybody on the team, if not, I’ll put Hollister, Charlie, Jimmy, Mike, Allwin, Floyd or Allen. I hope the new players wont get made at me because I’m leaving, being I was the one giving them the impression I’m am the captain. Its just pool...right.

Any comments?

 

January 7 2004

The Ice king

Today weather: Suny, dry and cold 12 degrees. Full moon.

January –07-2004 1:29pm
*
Jack Frost had a little sister.

*
Mother nature always told me before I went out side to play, stay away from Jack, he’s trouble. Jack whom? I ask Mother Nature as she bundles my coat on. Jack Frost she said. So for many season, I only played with Fall, Spring and Summer; Winter was always alone on the monkey bars. Fall became my best friend. Fall always listen to me and had the coolest colors, but I always felt death with fall, it never bothered me much, but still, that feeling of dying always lead to winter and I was never allowed to play with winter; Always skip it, always felt warm. Summer is were I learned all my emotion and Spring is-well-you-know, that time for the birds and the fleas. My adult life came around yet-still Mother Nature still bundles me up before going outside to play. I was warned every winter till my adult life by Mother Nature stay away from jack, and of course this time I did the exact opposite and played, with Jack. Mother stopped warning after I did that. She departed, I never saw her again; welcome to adult hood. Jack was an all right guy, nothing to be careful about. So at least I thought. So he became a regular in my playtime for many winters after that. Then one winter when I had a meeting to play with Jack he bought along someone. Her skin was like snow; her hair was colored with the darkest earth tones. Her eyes were like fire and she smelled like a peach. In contrast to the white snow she was nocturnal all over; Dark. Jack Frost had a little sister. I adored her. And that’s when I felt the cold for the first time.
*

January –07-2004 12:53am
*
Last day of school.

Today I graduated. Since the beginning of 2003 till January 6 2004 I have been taking lessons in the art of pettiness immaturity, bitterness, hate, lying and last but not least cold. An ice king I am now capable of becoming at will. With this new added power I am ready to tackle the world with better knowledge and understanding of its rules. For about a year I have been studying hard for similar test that I have taken many times before and failed. This element, opposite of the dragons breath was the final, and I past. I dove head into the abyss of the icy tundra all-ready knowing what was in stored. It was the same result occurring on the coming end of the chill. But this time it was different on my receiving end. I still kept my head up and braved the frozen wind. For the first time, I prevented it from dosing my flame from within. I now know how to be one with ice. My chameleon like state saved me from falling down and being stampeded by a winter of mixed up words and ill-persuasive suggestions leading me into the kitchen of Jack Frost and becoming a warm dinner for his little sister. It feels good to be cold, being cold numbs the summer in you, and let’s “self” take over the spring. Self is the preservation of survival. I’ve have had strong influences of the cold for the last couple of months and been shown how this disdain-wintry-storm works. With this new wisdom of “self’ I am xxxtorious over all that is-of-pettiness immaturity, bitterness, hate, lying and last but not least cold.
*

the Fall
*
Jim or someone else will take over. I will leave him with 8 countrymen on the roster. I will no longer be a captain. I will now be a king. I will appoint a leader to rule and move to different countries and live different adventures.

 

the king has spoken

I require lots of space…. Don’t crowd me.
I like to hold a grudge it helps me be angry and hate people more.
I like dorks, there amusing and entertaining.
I lie alot. it makes things better all the time.

 

 

 

 

Any comments?

 

January 6 2004

(beware the BURN)

 

 

Spooky. 10:00pm
*
I have grown a new awareness or have awaken and old one. Ether-way things don’t look quit as engaging now then it did before maybe I’m just out growing it, maybe it’s the beer cigs dulling my senses.

Suggestion to the special someone. (beware the BURN)

Don’t give individuals a false impression about other individuals who have you as a mutual friend with the individual your giving the impression too. Cause in the end you are the one who gets burned. In other words, stop lying.
*
Little white lies. Good or Bad?
*
Anyway. If two people love each other they shouldn’t lie to each other. Though sometimes lying can help certain situations a bit. I do it all the time. For example; not wanting to hurt your aunts feeling about those awful cookies she made by telling her they were yummy. I think there are feelings between the two that are not being shared for insecure reasons. I don’t blame ether one. Its scary, the unknown. The result can be disastrous. I think distance is best, to bad. I actually felt the bond getting stronger than it ever was before, understanding each other on all emotional levels is much more secure and reassuring than not knowing fully what that person is capable of in certain situations. Honesty should always be appreciated and respected. Holding on to someone fully without letting him or her hold on to you is just a little to selfish for me. But of course sometimes little white lies are necessary to preserve relationships. Its a tuff call.

--------------------------------------

4:36pm I certainly did get burned.......what ever....Time to turn to ice.

--------------------------------------

Any comments?

 

 

January 5 2004 Monday 2:25pm

 

Last night I was watching fatal attraction on the tube.

*
That chick was nuts, but Mike was even crazier for screwing around behind his wife’s back. His wife was hot, what was he thinking? He is a man though, and men do what they do. To bad I don’t behave that way; like a man. I behave more like women. Too much hot and not enough cold. I like my fire. Then again there are some women out there who are cold. Maybe people are all the same, hot and cold. If you took a puppy and put it in a litter of kittens, the puppy will grow up with some characteristics of a cat and behave like a cat in certain situations. How about people? If you took a boy and raised that boy with a bunch of girls will the boy have characteristics of a girl and respond to certain situations as a girl would? Of course there is natural instinct. But what then after the natural? When it comes to decision-making, is it natural instinct? Or is it education and up bringing? People rely on there natural instinct when the shit hits the fan and there is nothing left but to go for it. I need a lesson in this. There is something I suffer from time to time; Intelligence. It is telling me no but my instinct is telling me yes but my heart is telling me let it go. What am I referring to? A dream I need not pursue. Were is my mind? I’m in reality when I sleep and I’m dreaming when I’m awake. Time for meds. And time to get ride of this stupid looking goatee.

Later....

Any comments?

 

Sunday 11:00am

January 4 2004


...I……am not in the best quality I can be this mourning. Could be the weather; its raining.

Sun 11:00 am

To much drinking and smoking maybe? I’m getting that. Heavy weight in the emotion’s feeling. My heart tells me to do something I know is pointless to do. I am scared to do it but I want too to; but I know I should not do it. I feel enervated, to much dreaming with my eyes open in my bed for to many days, along with to much night dreaming in my day-wake. Today is a test I think. The idea of smoking and drinking now sickens me. I am numb inside. Maybe because I haven’t slept since Friday and today is Sunday. I started crawling out of my skin. I need food and a cup of coffee.
*
Later
*
4:00pm

Gona start an illustration today. The Cover of my children’s book.
The Gargoyal And the Gothic Flower...
*
Its gona be tuff; recalling referances for the tale. A little test. But I’ve been thru- tougher.

4:24pm

Jung’s party was fun. It was in a new place that was pretty hip. Even though I couldn’t make out the scene. All kinds of people were there. The music entailed; Boy George, Hip Hop, New Wave, Depech Mode, 80’s music of all kinds of other sounds. Lots of ladies and lots of drinks. It was cool. Afterward I walked over to the home bar and closed up with Ronnie, Valarie and Mike. Thats maria on the left. She likes to speak different tounges. I drank a lot there. Hung out with some hot ladies and old friends. When I got home I wasn’t even sleepy; wired. That was about 6:am this mourning. I took a nap, woke up a few hours later. Barely slept. It’s a good day to be indoors anyway. I feel like the weather.
*
Later

5:00 pm

Just remembered....

A sweet girl said something to me yesterday at the bar I was hanging out at about showing mercy on the pool table.


"Your better off beating the person if you can as appose to giving them a chance to win if you know you can beat them. Feeling sorry for your opponent is insulting and condescending. No body wins this way. Even when they beat you after you give them a chance to do it. It’s not a real win, for anyone".

Unless your sandbagging, then thats just bad karma for you later.

Later that evening I went to the Home bar and beat the shit out of everybody on the pool table. And didn’t feel bad. And when I finally lost; I had the incentive to try and get better again. I haven’t had that feeling for a long time; all last year. Then I thought of Chi, she and I kind of met on the same plane as far as competitiveness goes. Our games were similar. And our attitudes were similar about the game. Were having a ceromony/party for Chi on the 13th of this month.

5:55pm

 

 

 

 

 

 

Any comments?

Any comments?

 

Saturday 6:00am

January 3 2004

You know something. Change is not that easy, but definitely do-able.

7:01pm
Party time tonight, Happy Birthday Jung. Ramen noodles, here they come.
*
I drank with Aaron yesterday and we got just as plastered as we did on new years. We were still smart about putting food in our bellies. I like Michelle; she is going to be on my team next season. She’s hot, and so is her game.

If I suspect anybody making attempts behind my back to better deal me while using me at the same time for there own personal gain, "again", is gona get a punch in the mouth. I will not do this to other people who have faith and trust in me and who are also my friends. (Except when It comes to job related issues, like a raise or something I will be professional). I will always let others no how I am feeling appropriately

 

7:01pm
Party time tonight, Happy Birthday Jung. Ramen noodles, here they come.
*
I drank with Aaron yesterday and we got just as plastered as we did on new years. We were still smart about putting food in our bellies. I like Michelle; she is going to be on my team next season. She’s hot, and so is her game.

Started drinking kinda early yesterday. I went to the pool-hall and shot-a-little-bit.
Saw some dick heads there before I left, they got bad karma written all over-em. (Dorks). Any-who I cultured a few things for my new 2004-attentiveness. Some people go from good to bad to worse. I’m not talking about me. I’m ok. Save for concerning my old ways, whatever hope there was; if any, of making things the way it was before is to late; way to late. Even if the opportunity presents itself at this point, it will be a false presentation. As far as some-other folks go in my past, the question of stability and trust will all ways linger. I do not need that.

Any comments?

Broke the first resolution…eep.
*
William still needs to change a few more old habits. Like night-hangout-placement and rituals. My alcoholic state yesterday for a couple of minutes reverted me a little backwards in time about a few things I should have let go completely by now. A little of the old hard-rhythm is still there, some question’s are still not answered, or already have been answered and I didn’t like what I heard. Oh-well. No big deal. Time is fixing that as I a write. It was just a little Amstel-draw back. I also broke a major resolution yesterday. I showed mercy on the table again. She was just way to nice and I was giving her chances to win. Must not let this happen again William. “Its not professional kid”, and you wont get a raise for doing it.
*

Any comments?

I went left when I should have went right, oh-well… life’s a bitch.
*
One-steps back two steps forward. I drew some conclusion early this mourning (6:am) about yesterday that I didn’t realize before. I don’t hold on to things as long as I thought I did. I’m just stubborn. I will now let go of the fact that, there are some people out there who just simply won’t let things go. Like I used to be. That is their problem not mine. William; don’t make their problem your problem. Again with the unprofessional behavior. I make excuses for the other guy and take pity on em. If I stop this, then I would know who are my real friends are and who is just using me. I’m not destroying my sense of hope, but one thing is for sure. I am glade a have flaws, because without em, I wont grow.
*

Any comments?

 

Friday 8:00am

January 2 2004


 
 
Passion Fish
*
This rainy mourning my heart is beating the same rhythm, as it was is last night. I wanted to do something my heart was telling me to do but my instinct was saying no. My cards told me there is no real consequence in this action. I presented myself with chores preoccupying my thoughts thru the night till bedtime.

Any comments?

King Willy
*
King Willy, making tuff decisions that will benefit my growing kingdom in the times to come. I do not want to lose face with subjects or less importantly myself. I’ve read about this in books and seen it in the movies but never really felt this until now. Love is timeless it doesn’t matter if it this year or last year or the next year. But I will not fall xxxtim to my habitual urges any more.

Any comments?

The Sandman
*
I dream little dreams that will remain what it is to begin with. To consider this particular desire, is to journey backwards to palaces that are gloomy and unaccompanied.
*
Radiance is front of me, not behind. Perhaps one day the darkness will follow and embrace the light with me.
*
Funny, it’s a cloudy day and so are my thoughts.
*
Gona play some pool now. later

Any comments?

 

 

JANUARY 1 2004

Thursday 4:00pm

January 1 2004

Well.
*
So far so good. On the way over to my final destination for 2003. I ran into Sara. One of the most enchanting creatures I have had the pleaser of laying my eyes on. The first thing about Sara that captured me was the physical-melody around her. She presented to me enthralling. Kind of like a gossamer. I was immediately caught and delighted by her presence the first time I ever saw her (back in 2001). Red dress, jet-black hair, marble translucent-pink skin and lips full and pink. Her subtle provision caught my attention for a long time. But I still resist on approaching her with an apparent motive; must be with Sara. I behaved around her like she was ordinary, but my insides were like Mexican jumping bean. That was years ago. I have been seeing her on off since. Until yesterday she wove a magic spell around me on the union square subway platform with a simple smile and a compliment of my appearance. She notices me and I defiantly noticed her. Wow she was more stunning than ever before. Mission; get to know Sara this year.
*
A good start
So far

Any comments?

Anyway. When I got to the bar, it was pretty dead, until about ten. Then it was like grand central station. Aaron met me there and we drank like fish, played pool and kept everybody off the table most of the night. I was wobbling around after the Champaign and so was Aaron. We both were hugging on some honeys at the bar counting down till twelve and each got a little something to start 2004; Aaron & Will the stud muffins.
*
Some of my old (and some new) Tori folks came the bar; how random is that. My goodness, another past reminder of my old self. I really am going thru changes aren’t I. Lets see what’s 2004 is going to be like.

Any comments?

Any resalutionary acts yet?
*
I went to bed at 5:30 am and woke up at 10:15 am went back to sleep 10 minutes later and woke up at 1:30pm. Couldn’t do that before; now I can. Good. And I’m not even hung over. Wow. I did it smart last night, or we did it smart last night, just before me and Aaron committed an old fashion alcoholic fainting at home. We ate and drank a lot of water and cooled down with the booze for about 45 minutes. Well maybe just one more beer. We left the bar, Aaron made a pit stop at an outhouse to take a leek and then went home. No bed spins, no nothing. Drank like a pro’s we did, Dam were good.

Any comments?

 

 

Wed 1:00pm

Dec 31 2003/2004

The last day of the year, or least in America. This final day started with me taking a shower for about an hour; washing off 2003. Checking my email only to discover that it has been cancelled. williamfuentes@nyc.com is no-more. It is now wfuentes@nyc.com, what ever. Spoke to my gothic flower xxxxxxxx; She is more xxxxxxxx now than ever before. Of course I am much appreciated of that. I shaved a little today.
Resolutions suck…
But if have to make any, here they go
Top 10 Resolutions 2004.


1. Stop smoking for 11 months…
*
2. “No mercy on the pool table, its just not professional kid” Paul Newman The Color of Money. I will show no mercy on the pool table ….I did not enjoy beating people I got along with or liked in the past, even though they like beating me. Self-esteem problem is now fixed. Fuck-hem, deal with the woopin your Gona get from me now. Of course I wont be judgmental about it. Your now gona see the principles of fine-art brought to the pool table.

*
3. Keep a cool head under pressure.
*
4. Don’t over-compliment other pool players. People sometimes look like condescending pricks when they do that. I don’t want to look that.
*
5. Get a new apartment. Or buy a truck wich ever comes first.
*
6. Go to the gym, get my boyish figure back, bricks, butt all that good stuff.
*
7. Take a break from the APA at some point.
*
8. Drink more, date more, and keep my head up more.
*
9. Don’t upsess with anything other than my art.
*
10. Get a new hair do.
There ya go. Ill be taking off soon. Gona hang out get my groove-on. How ever I do it.
Ps: no vomiting out of a cab. This year.

Any comments?

 
 

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