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January
31, 2004 Saturday
4:00pm
About
last night |
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 15 buds, a few shots. Some
pool and great legs.
Ok… Its Saturday, I’m hung over from Friday night.
Last night I drank. I’m 120$ shorter walking out of the
bar. I drank and bought drinks for many people and they bought
me drinks.
There were all kinds of people there, the bar is getting popular
It was full of women. Some
Goth girl walked in I got her email and cell we are going to
meow mix next Tuesday. Later on I closed the bar
and walked home with a lovely young woman. We were good. Then
we got a little dangerous. I have been aiming to snuggle with
her
for a long time. She’s sexy, At one point yesterday evening
I was competing for her with some dork and his buddy. She is
yummy. That other dude went home alone. I am supposed to go to
a party
today and I don’t feel up to it. So I will stay home.
 I
woke up drunk, went home and called Aaron. Tomorrow I will
shoot a little with Aaron. If it wasn’t for Aaron and Douglas
and maybe even Vinny and Brian I would of dumped the APA entirely.
But ill keep up for a little bit with the games or at least until
the tri annuals are over.
Good
bye January, its been real...
Go
to Next entry
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| Im hot but my money is not |
|
No
check good rateing
I
Woke up this mourning to see if my raise went
retro
active from Sept 8 2003, It did not. I was
so mad I thought I was going to have another
shity day, until I checked HOT OR NOT
.COM. From a scale of 1 to 10 I just
went to an 8. Everything is a little ok now.
Ill have to survive on another measly $998.012
cents for the next 7 days.
My
first double match.
Hey,
my name is Roxanne. I'm 20 years old and I'm
a DJ on my college radio station. I love going
to shows and meeting new people. |
I could be her dad... whatever
|
I have yet again had another dream with a destructive
ending. What ever.
*
So. I
went to the bar and got a little drunk. Played pool
with
Alex. My game was on my game was off and
then more people walked in. There was a girl.
Her name was Francis. She had perfect teeth, wicked
black shiny
hair, full lips a tongue like Gene Simmons and
shapely. She bought me a beer. I watched her have
fun. We
played together as a team, we lost. Later that
evening I sat
at the bar and started drawing. I was thinking
about my game as I was drawing a guy came up from
behind
me and said can I have that when you are finished?
I said yes and I was flattered. I felt good to
give my work away again. I haven’t done that
in a long time. My head started to clear up. And
some
conclusions
about my life came through my Zen drawings at
the bar.
*
I don’t know what a win is?
*
 What
is a win? What is a lose? And what are the results
of both? I’m a giving person. I
think you have to be a little selfish too want
too win or beat anybody.
Ill never be a winner if I’m always a nice
guy. Thanks Grandmamma for making me a nice fuckin
guy.
*
Giving away my art felt good. People complimented
on the things I was drawing. I might do a series
of people
I know. I would love to do that more than anything
right now. I feel it calling me. I said this once
before but I got distracted. Back on track again.
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Any
comments?
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January 29 2004 Thursday
Ronnie on the
8
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 |
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This mourning…6am…
I woke up at 6am I was tired but not sleepy. Didn’t need
to be at work till 12pm today so I dreamt with my eyes opened.
That’s a mistake I keep making. Doing this in-between
wake sleep thing brings on all kinds of premonitions and subconsois
thoughts and answers to questions I don’t like asking
myself. Sometimes I know the answers before I even know the
question,
and asking the question is just a procrastination of doing
my responsibilities.
Williams
latter…
I took a whiz went back to bed. I lay down, closed
my eyes and let my mind drift. Eyes opening and closing
as I stare at the clock. 6:05 6:08 6:20 6:29 six-thirty-suddenly-found
myself chasing my nephew down a flight of narrow steps towards a door. The
door
was small and old and boarded up. It was a secret door. I opened my eyes again
just for a second to look at the clock; it was 7am. Closed my eyes and my nephew
broke through the door before I can catch up to him. He ran in, I followed.
He was in a jail cell. I opened my eyes again; it was
8:45am. I closed my eyes to
look around then walked in the cell to get him out. When I grabbed him a police
officer walked in beside me just out of my eyeshot he was holding my cue-case,
he threw my pool cue-case in the cell with my nephew and me still standing
there. I open my eyes again to see the time it was
10am, I did not feel trapped but
knew I had to get out of there, so I closed my eyes again. The cell door wasn’t
closed or locked though. I remember next walking out of the cell but I cant recall
holding my cue or nephew. Next I found myself in a giant pool hall with giant
tables and people playing pool. Didn’t know anybody though. I had a few
words with some of the folks; suddenly everybody was ransacking the pool-hall. |
2:16pm
Thursday
I’ve just been rated from a scale of one to ten a 7.2 on Hotornot.com by
11 people since1:00clock this afternoon. Updates later. |
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| Any
comments? |
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January
28 2004 Wed 11:00am
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Ronnie puts
his team together
I hope its
the wright people.
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... Its Snow...weeeee
Went
to the bar yesterday, drank, watched Ronnie’s team
get beat up. Played in the snow. What else can you ask for
on a
Tuesday night. No work today
New York sure is getting wussy, a little snow and every body
hides.
Cold winter days and night make me dream funny.
*
Yesterday I dreamt it was the last day on earth. Ever-body I
knew and know now was in it. I could not make sense of it at
all. But I knew I was just waiting for something to happen before
the end of the world. A radiation orb was the culprit. I don’t
know what it was I needed to do. In my dream I was wearing a
tool belt and farmer overalls. There was and orb sitting in what
looked like mansion/mall that was consuming the planet slowly
with white-hot light growing from it, it was getting bigger and
bigger. And everybody knew eventually it was going to kill everyone
on the planet so people were doing what they wanted to do and
there was nothing no one could do to stop it. I remember flying
near it at one point in my dream but when I got close something
told me I was going to die in my sleep so I stopped, but then
it was at that point I realized I was dreaming. I flew around
some more and started shopping for tools. I was wearing a tool
belt but I can’t remember what the tools were. I was going
to die but I had to do something before I died or get killed.
My phone ringing awaked me.
|
Dream Catcher Lore:
The Indians believe that the night air is filled with dreams
both good and bad. The dream catcher when hung over or
near your bed swinging freely in the air, catches the dreams
as they flow by. The good dreams know how to pass through
the dream catcher, slipping through the outer holes and
slide down the soft feathers so gently that many times
the sleeper does not know that he/she is dreaming. The
bad dreams not knowing the way get tangled in the dream
catcher and perish with the first light of the new day.
How
the Dream Catcher is made:
Using a hoop of willow, and decorating it with findings,
bits and pieces of everyday life, (feathers, arrow heads,
beads, etc) the dream catcher is believed to have the
power to catch all of a person's dreams, trapping the
bad ones,
and letting only the good dreams pass through the dream catcher. |
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| Any
comments? |
January
27 2004 Tuesday 4:46pm
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What ever...definitely
different form. Yesterday was the first day of something
I have no control over. Or maybe I do have
control but dont want to.
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| Any
comments? |
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January
26 2004 Monday 12:30pm
Professor
Du-mass
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Monday-
part one
11:59 am
What a stale day. Cold, cloudy, it could be worse. It could
be better. Some girl walked up to me the street today and said
I look like a pirate. What ever… So, I’ve been
smoking a lot lately. They have a store in my neighborhood
that’s sell cigs for 5 bucks. Bad for will. I feel like
a Gargoyle.
*
2:00 pm
Professor Du-mass
Ten minutes ago I called a professor a dumb ass to his face…
Dialogue
Him: Hey William can you help me with something.
Me: What do you need?
Him: How to get to the Internet?
Me: click on the I.E icon, Go to, File, New-window on the
top tool bar interface of the desktop
Him: HUH?
Me: Ill show you (so I show him.)
Him: Oh… that was easy..Ok
2minutes later…
Same dialogue as before
1minutes later again same dialogue as before but now I’m
annoyed.
3minutes later asks me again as if he never asked before.
Me: Don’t you remember what I showed you before? (I say
politely)
Him: Yes I did.
Me: So what’s the problem?
Him: I don’t know? Can you show me?
Me: Oh…. ok Dumb Ass I’ll show.
There was more dialogue after that entailing things like
supervisor, verbal assault and complaint…whatever.
They walk into the lab; keep asking for help with the same
thing over and over again, they keep repeating the same
dumb ass mistakes over and over again on the computers
even though
I have explained it to them as if they were six years old.
I show them time and again how to turn on the computer
and how to get a window for the Internet, how to get
a word document
and how to save it in the simplest cant forget this again
manner. I even tell them to write it down in a step-by-step
instruction.
These are the same people who judge and grade student on
there performance through out the semester. Grading students
on their
paper’s, homework, and their ability to remember. Maybe
one day I might be given the opportunity one day to grade people
for their interactive-society-skills.
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| Any
comments? |
| |
January
25 2004 Sun 2:30pm.
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24 hour party people
Late last
night my buddy called me at home, and insisted I go with
him to
a loft party in Soho. 1:00 am mourning. So we
went. I was gona call Aaron but I figured he was sleeping
by then. When I got there, pretty much everybody was already
drunk,
stoned or in extremely friendly mode. Oh, did I mention everybody
was gay. And hot. I had a good time. Right up until the point
Stacy walked in; my ex girlfriend. Oh did I mention she came
out. Now she is gay. I know she is not gay, she’s got
physiological problems but she is not gay. I didn’t care
if she bought her new girl friend, but it seemed she didn’t
want to be with her girl friend anymore when she saw me. She
jumped right on my arm. I said, “Get the fuck off-of-me”.
Let the drama begin. 30 minutes later her new girl friend came
up to me and asked what am I doing to Stacy. She stepped up
to me like she was a man. So I responded with I don’t
know you, keep away from me, I’m crazy.
Rock and Roll girl
The loft was huge, giant windows and high ceilings. I don’t
even know whose place it was. There was a girl there who
was pretty hot, kind of rock-an-rolly. dark hair, skinny,
tattooed, almost retro but not retro. I admired her clothing
and her
betty-page-like-hair-do. She responded with the same comp.
I think it was the goatee and the lose hair in the red lit
room that made me look vampire-sexy, we spoke about art a
little
pool and drank, we got along. We hung out. We went to his
room up stairs, things got not gay. I told her I was gay my
heart
is with someone else’s. I really think it is, still
it got a little not homosexual in that room. I crashed at
the
loft. This mourning rock and roll girl and me went to eat
breakfast. She looks different in the daylight. I wont say
how she looked,
but have you ever heard the expression I never went to bed
with an ugly woman but I woke up with one. Just kidding.
She’s
good-looking. I asked if she wanted to come and watch me
play pool tomorrow at the bar she said ok.
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| Any
comments? |
January
23 2004 Friday 11:00am
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Drawing
out my tattoo...inkstoptattoonyc
I think I have a good idea on how it’s going to look.
Definitely want wings on my back; maybe gargoyle, maybe eagle,
but I want a tribal ring or band on my arm of my favorite animals.
Any
comments?
|
I
gambled at the pool hall yesterday, played a game
of nine-ball.
Went to play some pool yesterday, Played some one for money,
I won. He got mad. Then he left. Oh well. Next.
Driven Matrix
 Finding
my middle gear, fast or slow it is starting to take its toll
on me. Get to the middle lane ..william. A little numb right
now, nothing dangerous. Gota take it one day at a time. Hands
in
pocket. Caramel nut latte from star bucks taste awful. I can’t
push pull anymore, it’s taxing. I made a promise I shouldn’t
have said. That’s what’s bugging me; I have to
break that promise if things go the way I think they will in
the coming future. Dignity is at stake. This is the moment
I have been waiting for. Gota make it ugly. Or the ugly will
make me. I’m to smart for that. I am monkey in the drivers
seat. Spoke to Michelle say hello to the new head fish. I’m
drawing it out of me. Don’t you just love the drama brewing.
Rebbeca Razzbaerie would be
proud.
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| Any
comments? |
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January
22 2004 Thurs 7:00am
Today
is the first a day of
The
Year of the Monkey
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|
 Yesterday
was the eve of the Year
of the Monkey. Traditionaly
you are to do something Silly, Greedy, Loving, and Giving
before
you begin the year. So I did.
I have shed
my cacoon. I am here.
I
am Monkey... here me eekeeK...
Monkeys are
always alert and can feel surroundings even as they are thoroughly
engaged in conversation. Monkeys are sociable and
have an active outside life. Monkeys sympathize with people
and they in turn trust you with their secrets. Monkeys can
forgive,
but never forget and can be revengeful if somebody wrongs
them several times. They wait their turn for the perfect opportunity
and nothing can stop them from achieving a goal. They have
a lively
love life. Monkeys are good at making people comfortable
and even the most shy individuals open up to them. Having a
very attractive
openness, and as a partner they are reliable, adaptable and
cheerful. Inherently brainy, monkeys very rarely fail in their
mission. They
are good at assessing risk and financial problems. Monkeys
are intellectual and their memory is incredible. They don't
care what
opinions others may have of them. They know they are lucky,
and they also know they have the power to change things when
convenience
calls. Monkeys are virtually unsinkable! If people try to
trick monkeys, they will probably catch them. They never make
a move
without a plan. They are great strategists. They can spot
an opportunity in any form. They never miss a trick! They improve
and try to do
things better, and often amaze even themselves. They are
the ultimate diplomats and slip in and out of difficulties
with ease. Monkeys
are always out in front! Dragons and rats will match up with
the monkey. Famous people like Will Smith, Julius Caesar, Lord
Byron,
Elizabeth Taylor , de Vinci, Harry S. Truman, and Jennifer
Anniston
are signed under the monkey.
ps. last
night I wrote something loving...
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January 22, 2004 Thursday 2:30pm Lunch time.....
Guy walked up to me in the pool hall today
earlier this afternoon during my lunch break. He said to me.
Him: Hey, I heard you had that guy George on your team.
Me: Yes I did
Him: Is he still playing on your team?
Me: I said no I kicked him off.
Him: What? Are you crazy, that guy is good how do you expect to
win now?
Me: Easy. By not having him on the team.
Then I walked away…
Just because your good doesn’t mean your good for a team
win.
I had some of the best players in NYC on my pool team, the
better they were the worse they got functioning as a team player.
I’m
almost convinced I had possibly at one point the strongest
bar team in NYC. we still lost. Then we all broke up, each
one for reasons of self
and not of team. I have seen the worst teams make it to Vegas.
Its ok if I lose a few players this season, I mean after having
guys like that on my team and surviving why not now. I mean,
its not like I’m loosing earl Strickland or Karin Corr.
Oliver and Michelle and Chris are going to work out fine. I
feel good…Chris
will captain and I will just be another gun. |
| Any
comments? |
Jan
21 2004 Wed 4:12pm.....
|
.....For-got
what I was going to say....I'm getting greedy....
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| Any
comments? |
| Jan
20 2004 5:43 pm Tuesday..... |
| .....later
for what i gota say.... Did something. Silly |
| Any
comments? |
| |
Jan
19/20 2004 Monday/tue 12:30/1:17pm/am ....
Unnnn---believable… we
won the play offs.
|
Douglas “A.K.A
birdman, A.K.A the bishop” Mulkerns set the tone for
the match. With a four to one win...
Any
comments? |
| |
Aaron “Hank
the Tank” Charney ushered in the winning match with
impunity for Rumble Fish.
Well...I didn’t think it was going to happen and I
was just informed the
triannulas is on Feb 8 2004. Not next summer as i was told earlier in the
season...this changes things a little. I still dont want to be
captain though. Just a gun.
Any
comments? |
 Got
seventen of these things coming in my direction
Plus 4 placks and one MVP
all for Rumble-Fish
Any
comments?
|
Jan
19 2004 Monday 11:32am .... The "a-pool-calypse"
 Justice
is blind. This
is it, I already spoke to Jim, he will be there. Everybody knows
what to do.
later. |
Jan
19 2004 sun/Monday 12:02am
A
thin line....
Since
the beginning of the year-and maybe a little before this year
my drive for
just about every action I have said and done
is based on love and hate, there hasn’t been too much in
between. Maybe that’s what I’m missing.  The
in between love and hate. Restraint? I like being in love, it harder
and more
rewarding. It’s much easier to hate. Hate is quick. But what
about something in the middle?  What’s
is-in between love and hate? Fighting? Quickies? Is that what a
fling is all about
or is that for self-indulgence for the numb and frightened.
Or maybe for the intelligent. Responsibility? Is that a test
for
trial
and error to learn what you can love and what you can hate or
tolerate? I am now going to imagine myself stopping something I
think I love to do. Art; I cant see myself not doing that. Sex;
I like having sex but I can see myself not having it for a long
time. Pool; I also can see myself not playing for a long time.
Food; I love food. Can’t live with out it. People; I need
people sometimes, not all the time. Clothes; cloths make the man.
Hair; I need hair; hair is the frame of the face. TV; I could live
without it. Music; I can’t live with out it. Trying new things;
I need to do this or else. Traveling; I need to do this. |
| Any
comments? |
 Jan
18 2004 Sunday
Its
a good thing someone threw out this beef patty foil
out the window, or this little
bird wouldnt have anything to eat today. I think ill
call Douglas and tell him the good news. Bird ate today,
updates later.
ps:
I Did
something Giving
|
2:24
pm sunday
off to somewere land
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 |
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4:30
pm sunday...snow....I peed a name in the snow
Wana
guess what the name is, I'll give you $5 bucks if you
get it right...
Any
comments? |
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Cold
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Jan
18 2004 Sunday
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Snow
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The
ice is starting to freeze on top of the lake…Will the
Rumble-fish suffocate or freeze to death? Will there be a
surprise ending or predicted ending by former captain William
Fuentes. Dust in the wind. It’s snowing hard today.
I was going to practice. But I changed my mind. Ill just
sit in the snow with the locals. This song is coming to it's
end.
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Eve
of Destruction… |
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January
17 2004 Saturday 3:53am
Hank
the Tank
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Any
comments? |
January
17 2004 Saturday 1:53pm
*
Aaron turned into Hank the Tank on Friday Night….Aaron almost fell
down.
*
Went to the bar, Drank with Aaron; we almost fell down; we were drinking
so much. It was fun. We played Michelle for a few hours, she tore us
a new one. She’s good. She is a level 5 Pool-player. Cynthia called
Aaron “Larry lug-nut” after she served him his 5th drink. I
stared at Sam for a while. Sam is hot. Cynthia gets horny when she hears
Portishead. We ate, drank, then drank some more. I’m scared to
look in my wallet. Played a lot of pool; drunk. We kept winning. We went
left
the bar 3:15 in the mourning just before we got on the train on 14th
Street Aaron realized he left his bag at the bar, so we went back to
the bar,
while we were there, we might as well drink some more; so we did. A little
hung over. Not too much though. The most unlikely people float into bars
3:30 in the mourning. Got home this mourning. |
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Ok...
ill admit it |
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i
was a little ahJilvhjs yesterday to myself...whatever
Any
comments? |
|
I
have my reasons. but one thing is for sure. The
dream king better clear up what hes telling me
or this thing i suffer from called 'feelings"
is gona get medicated out of my system. |
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January
16 2004 Friday
Its
not that I don’t give a shit… Oh
wait a minute; I really don’t give
a shit.
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| Todays
weather: Im Ok just a little tierd...... |
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 |
Douglas and Aaron
I wont
let em down
But
I wont stress it anymore ether.
they
can do and play when ever they want now
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Any
comments?
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January
15 2004 Thurs
Happy
Anniversary
30
days ago I died |
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| Todays
weather: almost fell asleep...cold, dry, and opened |
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January
15 2004 Thurs
It’s
not always the decision it self-witch can
be ether the right or wrong one. It’s
sometimes the timing of that decision we
make in witch it becomes the right or wrong
one |
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| Todays
weather:Dry Cold and still waiting... |
|
12:45:pm
Thursday…I was being self destructive
last night...
*
Ok…I’ll
stop. Man, that was a close one. I almost fell into an
old nasty
habit.
What
was I
thinking.
I’m
r elapsing.
No sleep the last couple of days. I’m loopy.
I’m in control now. I guess I should of expected
this. I’m only human. Time to get a sandwich. I really
get out of control sometimes. Maybe Aaron can get me some
meds.
2:09pm
Thursday…
*
I don’t have to work on Monday…good…I’ll
play a lot of pool at B.B.C before I go beating up on who
ever ill have to play at Mona’s that night.
*
2:30 pm Thursday…
*
There is something that is eating at me. I’ve
been ignoring it and that is why I have been behaving
the way I have been since. I know what it is. I remember
exactly what was said Tuesday mourning. I pretended
I did not remember because it was too much for me to
handle. I had just woken up. She said things to me
that made me so numb I didn’t want to remember.
I was so angry, my anger turned into something else.
Its not ok to stab me in the back. It’s to late
for both of us. All the deeds were done, and turning
back now would be so debasing for both of us even though
this whole thing was just a bunch of stupid mistakes,
lots of action were done in haste. We both made final
decisions and we should stick to it. Unless we come
to an agreement to restore faith and trust back.
*
Much like our game’s even though we got ball
in hand we still picked the wrong ball for the run
and end up scratching or missing the shot entirely.
I adore her, but now it all fudged up. So I try and
sugar coat it with poetry consisting of sweet expressions
and sexy flirting, hoping it will drown the fire that
is burning in my gut; and maybe hers. I know this about
myself. When I feel stress or pressure I act silly
and animated and do daring things, recklessness is
a classic physiological reaction for the hidden dragon
within the troubled soul. Much like my game last Monday,
I was under pressure and I got reckless, silly. I was
told some-thing’s then I ignored it and it got
me acting reckless and silly. I really hate this whole
thing. I’m going to stick to my original plane.
Jim is the man for next season and I will take off.
The end.
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Any
comments?
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January
14 2004 Wed
The fast and the frivolous.
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| Todays
weather:Dry Cold and waiting... |
|
It’s
not always the decision it self-witch can be ether
the right or wrong one.
It’s sometimes
the timing of that decision we make in witch it becomes
the right or wrong one. Impulsive acts have there consequences
sometimes.
I know a story about a slow little boy and an impulsive
little girl. But I will tell it another day.
Hopefully it will have a happy ending.
:6:00pm
Went
to the pool hall today and learned a shot.
10:15pm-william...
what are you doing? Forbidden Fruit
*
I’m doing something I think I should not be doing.
But this time I find myself a-little more bold a-little
more daring. It almost like I don’t care what the
outcome is. Or I might already know what it’s going
to be and I find it irresistible. Ether way I am flirting
with disaster. She is the forbidden fruit I should not
try to pluck from the tree she is stemming from let alone
take a bite out of. But it’s so yummy. Her nectar
is all about sweet-bad girl. Bad girls are yummy. She’s
so yummy; still, it’s a sin. I’m gona try
to take a bite one day. Only when it is safe. When it’s
funny. When its right or more to the point; ripe.
11:00pm
wed-at home....watching TV...alone
12:57pm-still home
*
It’s snowing. A lot.
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Any
comments?
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January
13 Tues 2004
“ The
best way to accomplish something is to
give up all hope of ever accomplishing
it”. |
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| Todays
weather: Back to work...and temperment |
|
Un
believable…. We won….the first play off
match….now to the second.
The incredible part was (aside from the Jim situation)
the whole team was there; Jim is being held hostage
in Ireland…bad thumb print problem.
Vinny played big Al, Vinny won, when it counted….again.
Something is not letting me jump off.
1-Jim
2-William
3-Douglas
4-Aaron
5-Vinny
6-Brian
7-Oliver
8-?????
I
have three of them in mind. Maybe four. But I will
give Jim with the selection's and
let him decide.
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Any
comments?
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Anniversery
Chi yun lee RIP |
January
12 2004
Black
Magic Monday |
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| Todays
weather: Back to work...and the unknown |
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Life or Something
Like it.
Lets see what magic trick William is going to pull out
of his ass today.
Aaron, Douglas, Brian, Vinny, William.
Level
#3 not so....
I know you got game baby. Don’t sweat it and
take it easy. The system is not perfect. But your game
is. I
know better, we know better,you will get the props,
Later.
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Any
comments?
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January
11 2004 Sunday
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| Today
weather: Sunny, clear, and doin the wash. |
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Felt
like I was in a Seinfeld episode, Aaron and I ate Mexican
with his extremely obnoxious friend; His
old high-school dean. What the hell is this guy
doing still
bothering Aaron for? In the restaurant the guy was speaking to Aaron as if
he was still that sixteen years old he pushed around
years ago. I sat patiently
eating my veggie burrito while this guy spoke so much non-stop shit. We almost
got into a tug of war over the guacamole comp. If Douglas or George was sitting
there one of-em would of hit the guy over the head with a fajita. That duds
about 35 years old about 5’5 162 pounds of
arrogant mouth. He insulted Aaron twice about his
weight and then tried to communicate with me like
I was guy he
can impress with ideas on how to pick up women ten years younger than him.
Or what he did for a living. I almost completely
ignored him if it wasn’t
for me respecting Aaron UN fortunate company. |
Then
in the end, it was just Aarons dog and I doin
and evil stare down...
|
*
Requiem for a dream
*
We got rid of the old high school dean from hell then went
to a bar around the neighborhood and played pool for a while.
We
drank; there was cocker-roach on the bar a heavy cue ball
on the table a black chick who wouldn’t shut up. and the cold
weather. We found some drunken ladies sitting at the end of the
bar, took-em back to Aarons place and like in that movie “Requiem
for a dream” watched them go feet-to-feet on the kitchen
table till the drugs wore off. Just kidding. (There were no drugs)
Aarons cool, People should appreciate him more for the quality
and peaceful presence he emulates when he’s around. The
ladies staggered home. I put my coat on and I found myself staring
at his dog in silence for about ten minutes until the dog couldn’t
take the stare-down any longer then barked once only to wake
up Aaron from the orgasmic faint the ladies gave him. (Just kidding…I
was the one who fainted).
*
It’s cold. So after the festivities at around 2:30 am I
went to the home bar and meet up with Michelle, Lindsey and Cynthia
and drank till mourning. The girls are hot. You know, the home
bar really does have the hottest bar tenders in the lower eastside.
Ronnie ask me to play on his Tuesday team. Or suggested I move
my –X-Monday team to Tuesday, its Jim’s or whoever’s
team now, but if Jim or whoever agrees to the move, would be
making a good choice. There is hardly any teams to compete with
on Tuesday and with the player I put together, I almost can’t
see us not going to Vegas. I mean after the training we’ve
had for years on Monday, (13/14 teams), Tuesday would be
a peace of cake (5 teams). I know Ronnie would not like to
hear
that
but whatever. Ronnie is cool.
Any
comments?
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January
10 2004 Saterday
I
had to ask |
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| Today
weather: Sunny and clear with a touch of hope |
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Plan B I had to ask. I had no choice.
*
I did not think for the life of me we were going to end up in the
playoffs.
I went to edge bar yesterday to tell Ronnie that I’m finished
with league for now, of course I will have a team for Jim and the
bar or who ever, but I am done for now. So I took a flying leap
off of the ship and started swimming with the rest of the quitters
from all my teams in the past and present. The water was cold,
and the sharks were eating us slowly. I lay there just floating
waiting to get chopped up. As I float watching the other players
sink or get eaten, there was a bottle with a note in it floating
near bye. I paddle close to it and grabbed the bottle, pulled out
the note. The note said “hey dickhead, you’re in the
play offs and you owe it to the rest of your team who aren’t
quitters to make an effort to try and win”. I swam back to
the ship and called the team. I-called-everybody; even Vinny. I
had to, because Aaron Douglas and Jim, and maybe even Brian do
not deserve to be abandoned. They’re sticking around like
winners; they are people who believe in each other. Well I don’t
believing in my ability to be a captain anymore. I feel like a
dick head-loser. I already made the decision to leave, and then
this happens, what ever. I had to ask the quitting members to play
because if I didn’t, then there will always be that question
of "what if I did and we could of won"? In the long run,
I would of looked like a big asshole for not taking advance of
an opportunity Stuart has given us. I had to ask, Normally I wouldn’t
of. My decision was made, but I still owe Aaron Douglas and Jim.
I called xxx and I hated doing that, I’m contradicting the
space she ask-for whatever. But I had to ask. The team will ask
on Monday did you call her? And what did she say? Did you call
Claudio? And what did he say? If I gave them the answer I didn’t
call any of them, then I would have been ten times more the “Moron” to
them then I am to quitting members. I would in fact be the guy
xxx is trying to make me out to be to her new seven-dork-head-team-mates
along with my Rumble Fish team. If xxxxxxxx doesn’t contact
me by late Monday afternoon, as well as Vinny or Claudio then I
will ask Brian to play I work late on Monday I didn’t think
we had a game going on. I applied for the over time that day at
my job. I always said to Brian, and we agreed; if we made the play
offs by a wild card I would not play you. According to Brian we
don’t deserve to win, no team deserves to win by a wild card.
I don’t know what kind of mentality this poor guy is suffering
from, but I am grateful I don’t suffer the same damaged inner
child dilemma.
*
I still owe it to the rest of the guys to try.
*
Next season I’m still not gona be the captain, but this season
still has a glimmer of hope. If we lose then it’s back to
plane “A”, jump-ship. If I didn’t go for the
glimmer than I do deserve to be eaten by large teeth made of hate
and anger.
*
Ronnie and I played for hours last night practicing for Monday;
I played very well if I must say. Being I am no longer a captain
I feel no pressure and more game appreciation. I want my trophies.
I want my whole team to get there trophies, Stu owes me two trophies
plus and additional 14 more for my Monday and Tuesday team along
with two wall-plats and two MVP-plats for William and Douglas.
Any
comments?
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January
9 2004
Wicked
Willy |
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| Today
weather: bad |
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I
went to the pool hall and watched Douglas shoot, man
that guy is good. He was doing shots
you wouldn’t believe. I shot a little my self yesterday and
I was tearing this guy a new one. I was getting that feeling I
had last year when pool was a little newer to me. The table looked
small and my shots were big. I ran out on the guy twice and beat
him 7 to 3 on the race to 7. Suddenly I shoot like a demon, what
is the meaning of this?
*
“
The scary thing about love is, you don’t own it, it owns you” Romeo
is bleeding
*
Last night I was watching Romeo is bleeding with Gary Oldman and
Lena Olin. That bitch Mona (played by Lena Olin) is crazy and the
cop (played by Gary Oldman); well I guess he likes em hot look-in
and crazy. That’s the secound time I have seen a movie with
some dude chasing around some dishy look-in chick who’s completely
out of her skull. Hot and Crazy, the main formula to snare an capture
the lone wolf. I love me, I’m crazy, why can’t I settle
for some Joe-average chick, get married have kids and go the whole
nine. I always chase the wrong kinda woman (or girl). And get in
some shit.
*
I’m getting that wicked feeling again. 2:30pm Friday
*
I feel like starting trouble. Don’t do it William, don’t
be bad, bad leads to more bad.
*
I
did a bad thing.
Told him things
that he didn’t know. Now he knows. I told him don’t
tell anyone you know this it will work better for you if you pretend
to
be dumb. Then see what i mean. Im so bad, Im so bad, Im so bad.
Any
comments?
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January
8 2004
What Comes Around |
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| Today
weather:mad, Suny, dry and cold 10 degrees.4th-q-moon. |
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I
told a few people in the APA yesterday that I was quitting the
league; they all had cows.
Ronnie is gona blow a gasket, the league operator (Stuart) is now
going to lose a chunk of players and money. Not rewarding my team
with the “standard” APA trophies we all deserved for
staying in first place all season; The idea of going to Vegas on
an APA bar league became disenchanting for my old team after we
walked away empty handed at the tri-annuals. It also cost me the
lose of a friend. William the recruiter, William the gatherer of
pool warriors, William the captain; is no more. It’s wasn’t
easy managing 8, 16, 24, 32, 40, 48 or more-people who are to work
as a team but never wanted to function as a team.
*
My boat is not sinking, yet-still time and time again I have watched
my lone-wolf-glory-hound-team-members jump ship when the going got
tuff or because of some personal or social degenerate reason. Always
blaming everyone around them, blaming the weather blaming the table
blaming the line up and especially always blaming their Captain;
me. That is the responsibility as a captain, deal with it or don’t
be a captain. Well I don’t want to deal with it no more, I
pulled myself clear of being the sheep dog to black sheep. No one
will be a xxxtim of Williams trial’s and error’s anymore.
Sure-I’ve had some good loyal team members but not enough to
keep a whole team together. It’s unfair to them as well as
me to keep going like this. I will tell them this is the last season
they will be on this team, they will have a new captain and I will
leave when the ball gets rolling on the forth and final week. If
Jim won’t accept the responsibility of being the captain then
it's up for grabs and if no one grabs it then there will be no Rumble-Fish.
The bar spot is open for whoever. Finding myself hustling up random
pool players by my self and putting them on the team only to discover
in the middle of the game seasons they have a big letter “I” tattooed
on there for-head has turned into a joke on the whole dream of team
harmonized thing.
*
The lone wolf
I know I made resolutions and said last year I was going to let a
lot of things go, and I did, but I saw one last opportunity and
took and got burned. That’s ok, I was kind of expecting it
anyway but what the fuck, why not. It's not like its going to effect
me the
same
way
as it did
before. So now William is going to emulate the actions of his last
few players on his last few teams and jump ship. Why not if they
can do it why cant I? I’m not any more important then they
are, Im not any better, so why can’t I behave the same way? Tell
me why not?
*
I slept well last night. I feel free of a responsibility
I no longer have to handle. This decision has taken all the
pressure in my head.
Away. Jim will have 8 people on his team. I have already five players
and three more called me last night. There is still Douglas, Brian,
Aaron, Jim, Heidi, Erin, Oliver, and Michelle. The guys will like
Michelle. Jim also has the option to place anybody on the team, if
not, I’ll put Hollister, Charlie, Jimmy, Mike, Allwin, Floyd
or Allen. I hope the new players wont get made at me because I’m
leaving, being I was the one giving them the impression I’m
am the captain. Its just pool...right.
Any
comments?
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January
7 2004
The
Ice king
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| Today
weather: Suny, dry and cold 12 degrees. Full moon. |
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January –07-2004
1:29pm
*
Jack Frost had a little sister.
*
Mother nature always told me before I went out side to play,
stay away from Jack, he’s trouble. Jack whom? I ask Mother Nature
as she bundles my coat on. Jack Frost she said. So for many season,
I only played with Fall, Spring and Summer; Winter was always alone
on the monkey bars. Fall became my best friend. Fall always listen
to me and had the coolest colors, but I always felt death with fall,
it never bothered me much, but still, that feeling of dying always
lead to winter and I was never allowed to play with winter; Always
skip it, always felt warm. Summer is were I learned all my emotion
and Spring is-well-you-know, that time for the birds and the fleas.
My adult life came around yet-still Mother Nature still bundles me
up before going outside to play. I was warned every winter till my
adult life by Mother Nature stay away from jack, and of course this
time I did the exact opposite and played, with Jack. Mother stopped
warning after I did that. She departed, I never saw her again; welcome
to adult hood. Jack was an all right guy, nothing to be careful about.
So at least I thought. So he became a regular in my playtime for
many winters after that. Then one winter when I had a meeting to
play with Jack he bought along someone. Her skin was like snow; her
hair was colored with the darkest earth tones. Her eyes were like
fire and she smelled like a peach. In contrast to the white snow
she was nocturnal all over; Dark. Jack Frost had a little sister.
I adored her. And that’s when I felt the cold for the
first time.
*
January –07-2004
12:53am
*
Last day of school.
Today
I graduated. Since the beginning of 2003 till January
6 2004 I have been taking lessons in the art of pettiness
immaturity,
bitterness, hate, lying and last but not least cold.
An
ice king I am now capable of becoming at will. With this
new
added power I am ready to tackle the world with better
knowledge and understanding of its rules. For about a
year I have been
studying hard for similar test that I have taken many
times before and failed. This element, opposite of the
dragons
breath was the final, and I past. I dove head into the
abyss of the icy tundra all-ready knowing what was in
stored. It
was the same result occurring on the coming end of the
chill. But this time it was different on my receiving
end. I still
kept my head up and braved the frozen wind. For the first
time, I prevented it from dosing my flame from within.
I now know how to be one with ice. My chameleon like
state saved me from falling down and being stampeded by
a winter
of mixed up words and ill-persuasive suggestions leading
| | |
was
saying, cant remember what was the warnings were though.
The day before yesterday I found
a Barbie doll foot wearing a pink high heel shoe. On
the way home today a woman on the right side of me in
the subway car was reading a independent novel I took
notice
of and a woman on the left side of me was drawing in
a sketch book, the guy in front of me was had some
sort of tick and was wiggling every 5 seconds like he
was hearing some sort of music in his head. It was a
triangle of symbols I was standing in. I’m getting
all sorts of signs meaning what? I just don’t know
but my instinct was telling me that are definitely symbolic
of something in stored for the future. I haven’t
read from my cards in the last week. Strange, I was 
whistling
before I walked in my building. Just before I walked
in my building I found a red whistle in the snow on the
steps. 
Pandora’s box I have to keep it closed or
it’s all out of control again. Maybe I don’t
have to keep it closed, I’ll put together a party
and get to know every one. I’ll make invitations
to get to know myself some more.